Malkin scores a Hat Trick. Second Edition scores with cashmere.

Apologies for the long silence, dear reader, but fact is when Second Edition landed in Steel Town and that subzero wind bitch slapped us good and plenty, well…my fingers snapped off before I could dig out mittens. Luckily replacements arrived quickly but suffice it to say the Northeast in January is why they invented the Caribbean. Snot froze to my upper lip. Enough said.

The Penguins tromped, I say tromped the Toronto Maple Leafs. I was embarrassed for our poor neighbors to the north. Seriously. Three goals in 48 seconds for a final score of 6 to 2. Not sure what was more exciting…watching Ruutu beat the crap out of some Pansy Ass wing man who tried to gouge his eyes out or witnessing my boy Malkin score his first Hat Trick. For you rookies, that’s three goals in a single game.

Now ladies, I know Sid the Kid is the one every girl watches and wishes would crawl up and under her prom dress. Those full lips, that tight 19-year-old ass. But my money has always been on Evengi Malkin, a tall, dark, quiet Russian whose not very showy, not very handsome, but who always manages to play his balls off. It’s his #71 jersey I wear to bed. It’s his head I bobble every morning before I sit down at my desk to write. He made mama proud Thursday night.

I screamed, I clapped, I stomped, I drank something fowl called Icy Light. I learned that when you order a cola it’s NOT called soda, it’s called Pop.

Round midnight, we hit J-town and stumbled into the arms of Ranger Mom and Ranger Dad. And can I just say, people, I have never felt so embraced, so welcome. Papa Ranger batted away my outstretched hand and said, “Come here, girl, and give me a hug.” And I did. And I did some more. Nothing like hugging a big bear to make you feel at home.