Sunday, August 17, 2008

Koo-koo-ka-choo

I wonder at coincidence sometimes, whether randomness is at the wheel or whether the Universe simply has a bone to pick. Or just likes fucking with me. When warming up the car, Mrs. Robinson was the first song up. When channel surfing, the clicker stopped on How Stella Got Her Groove Back. And then, at our last staff meeting, the Yoga Boss turned to me and said, "You should really try revealing more about yourself. Your students want to know WHO YOU ARE..." well, that got me thinking. Ironically, of course. Or as the Winged Librarian so succinctly put it, "How is it that someone who treasures anonymity in a small town puts it all out there on the Internet?"

Good question. When students come up to me after class and ask for my life's story, I cut them off, dive and duck, head for the door, claim an irritable bowel. I tell them to use their yoga practice to tear away their hard, crusty layers, to peel off their masks and find their power in softness all the while securing my own mask. I can promote masturbation on the web, but I can't answer the simple question, "So why did you move here anyway?"

And really it comes down to this...I'm not sure I'm a particularly good example of a thoughtful decision maker. It's not like I stayed and fought the good fight, rising from the ashes like a phoenix. Shit, I got in my car and drove away. Isn't that exactly what your mother tells you NOT to do. And WHO WOULDN'T PULL OVER FOR A 25-YEAR OLD PARK RANGER? Not like I soul-searched that one. Just made sure to start taking vitamins...and stretching my quads. I mean, come on, people. My story is, well, embarrassing in the harsh light of day and smacks of nervous breakdown in the dingy, filmy light of, say, a sports bar.

In many of my early 2007 fantasies, I roared back into ABQ, bought an adorable house in Nob Hill (fashionably decorated, of course), took the advertising world by storm and started dating the perfect businessman who took me to ALL the right parties as my collection of Italian leather pumps and fur coats (I hear the snorting out there, don't think I don't) grew larger and larger. Maybe I'd even start my own business because yes, I know THAT many people. But NO. I moved to a town nobody has ever heard of, to a treehouse that leaks like a sieve and blows apart in the wind, with a whipper snapper who thought I was 33 because of course, I lied to him, and now I smell like wet dog and and sport a cheap haircut that makes me look like an astronaut's wife.

I know. I know. I know what you're thinking. IT'S THE FOG. SHE ONLY TALKS SMACK WHEN SHE HASN'T SEEN THE SUN IN A MONTH AND THE LIQUOR CABINET IS LOW AND SHE CAN'T KEEP HER FINGER OFF THE CAPS KEY. True. All true. Or maybe it's just PMS.

But really. I don't want to talk about me when I'm ME out in the world. I'd rather have Second Edition do the dirty.

Yet, the hypocrisy of it all is wearing me down. So Friday morning, at the beginning of my most popular class, I looked around the room at the open, shining faces of women in their 40s, 50s and 60s. And I told them the truth. Why I am here. How I got here. And how yoga saved my life...before I drove away. And after I landed. Silence. Jaws dropped. Eyes widened. And then we began our practice to the groove of Cesaria Evora, even though someone muttered, "that don't sound like yoga music to me." By the end of the class, I was in tears.

Then one by one, each student came up to me and gave me a hug, whispering something just right, something like, "Thank you for shining your light. I'm glad I know you." Thank you, students, for being my teachers.

Maybe the song was right after all:

We'd like to know a little bit about you for our files.
We'd like to help you learn to help yourself.
Look around you all you see are sympathetic eyes.
Stroll around the grounds until you feel at home.

And here's to you, Mrs. Robinson,
Heaven holds a place for those who pray,
Hey, hey, hey

3 comments:

The Neighbor said...

i really don't like computers-& when i first heard of BLOG's, uggg!
i thought-get a fuckin life people, cum on. But when it's slow @ work i usually find myself on this site. Thinkin-WOW, this girl is really putting herself(&others) out there. That really takes sum guts, not 2 mention she's a really good writer! the truth is that-
i could not ask 4 better friends. The Ranger & 2nd Edition are one of a kind & i'm predicting wedding bells w/in a years time. i'll even put $ on it. So place your bets folks. i just hope i'll B around 2 C it, i'm feelin that twichytweek behind the eye that sayz it's tyme
2 move, again. mayB north & into the wild- untill thenextpost, *Chief Hornyhorse*

Kylita said...

How cool to hear from the Neighbor and I can say I'm a tad jealous of someone who is close in proximity to these folks, from one who has never met face-to-face but feels a deep kinship nevertheless! Thanks for the input, Neighbor! ;oD

Winged Librarian said...

do you think i can add "quoted in popular blog" to my rather paltry resume'?

it's always a fine line for me deciding how much of myself i'm willing to give away. not enough makes for dull livin', too much can make things a bit exciting for my taste.

congratulations on jumping onboard the courage train. maybe this chicken will join you one day.