Thursday, April 24, 2008

Till Death Do Us Part

The X called yesterday to say he's back in the country. Even though I didn't really know he was out of the country. We don't keep track of each other, or enjoy friendly conversations about anything other than say, mutual funds, so most likely this polite checking-in is part of his new commitment to me.

You see, his job now is to kill me. Should such a need arise. Who better to pull your plug, I ask, than your former spouse, who will most certainly be motivated and will not suffer from "oh, but she might wake up some day and respond droolingly to a balloon bobbing above her head, if we just keep her on life support a little longer. Just a little."

Shortly after my brother died, the rest of us got busy planning our own deaths. One thing I knew for sure from Edward's funeral...I did not want an open casket where friends and relatives could stroke my waxy cheek, fluff my molded hair and wiggle rosaries between my fingers. I needed someone who could follow my wishes without faltering, who wouldn't buckle under the pressure of my Crisis-Catholic family and who had the medical knowledge to bully other doctors into cashing in the chips. I needed a real son-of-a-bitch. Of course, I knew just the man.

"Wouldn't you rather give this kind of power to someone who's actually in your life?" he asked.

"That's exactly it. You won't be sentimental about it. This will be just another medical decision."

"Well, I don't know about that."

"You don't have to give me an answer now. Just think about it."

He joked, "Your family is pretty persuasive. Maybe I'll just leave you as a potted plant. Ever think of that?"

I had thought of that. What sweet revenge, that special prison -- making someone live inside a body that can't possibly house them. But I know, as only a wife can, that above all else, the X is a doctor, an excellent doctor, more comfortable with the dirty work of death than the slippery slope of life. That's one oath I know he can keep.

What's the Ranger think of this? Frankly, he's relieved. At night, when he's sound asleep and I'm still staring at the ceiling, he wraps his arms around my waist and mutters, "goodness gracious" and in that moment of pure unconscious love, I know he could never let me go.

One holds tight. The other releases. I am so grateful. For both.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Ranger said...

thats not a nice thing to say anonymous. If you have something to say be a man and leave your name.

Anonymous said...

a litle over the top. demonizing the doctor all along and then, asking the doctor to be part of your life to the end of it? it is very hard to suspend any disbelief that you are trying hard to create a new life when you are keeping hooked into the old one. and that the doctor is "that bad" afterall. hmmmmmmmmmm.

suz said...

Holly,

You do not need to have your ex-doctor-husband make your death decisions for you. You can be independent on this decision and do it yourself! Use a LIVING WILL (instead of a Durable Power of Attorney)to make your wishes known about your death. Let everyone know where your Living Will is located (BLOG counts as communication) so that when you cut off your airway by choking on foie gras at the last feast and end up "CLINICALLY DEAD" but, not "WHOLE-BRAIN DEAD" your wishes to pull the plug will be legal, in writing, and no one (even ex-doctor-husband) has to make that difficult decision - cuz you have already done it. Also, you don't have to waste valuable time for organ harvesting while the durable power of attorney gets his ass to where ever your last super occurred. You can get forms on internet, or at a Walk-In-Wills store or a lawyer can draw one up for you.

Kylita said...

I vote to "trash can" Anonymous!

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yes, exercise your moderator options, and delete these nasty comments.